Loser: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 1) Read online

  I hoped Ash wouldn’t come to regret it. Being my friend would put a target on her back, but it didn’t look like she cared. But above all that, I hoped I wouldn’t regret this. I prayed with a desperate heart I’d be able to keep myself in line.

  I don’t think my heart could handle being broken twice.

  Chapter Eleven – Ash

  Kelsey thought I should go to the party, while I was of the mind that I should just stay in with Declan. Our first Friday night as friends—or, more accurately, me being his friend—I probably shouldn’t spend it going to a party without him, and I knew without a doubt he’d never want to come with me.

  But Kelsey was relentless, texting me constantly, telling me that we only lived once, so why not see how the other side lived, blah, blah, blah. Kelsey was a fan of parties and drinking and all that. I could do it, but I could also do without it and be content. It didn’t matter either way for me.

  The only upside to going to this party would be to see how Sawyer lived, do a little snooping to see if I could dig up some dirt on him. I sort of viewed Declan as a cinnamon roll. A cute cinnamon roll that had to be protected at all costs. Declan just didn’t seem like the type of person who’d stage a suicide.

  To do something that? You had to be messed up in the head, and Sawyer seemed way too cocky and confident about everything. No one was born with that level of confidence. Sawyer and Declan used to be friends. It wasn’t a far reach to suggest Sawyer didn’t like how close Declan and his sister were. Maybe he snapped, his confident facade crumbled temporarily, and he lashed out at Sabrina over it. Maybe now he regretted hurting Sabrina and wanted to make Declan pay.

  Only sick minds thought of torture.

  Ugh. Damn it. I was going to the party.

  After class I showered and started getting ready. My stomach was too tumultuous, so I didn’t eat. Declan wasn’t there, and a selfish part of me hoped I’d be gone before he got back, but it wasn’t meant to be. He walked in just as I was pulling up my pants. I was certain he got a flash of my pink panties, but oh, well.

  Declan was quick to shut the door behind him, his dark gaze averting to the side. “What are you doing?” he practically hissed, his cheeks turning red a bit. It was so adorable, so innocent, that I completely forgot I stood there in nothing but pants and a bra.

  Whoops. Guess I should’ve changed in the bathroom.

  I turned, giving him my back. If he couldn’t hold himself because my back was too sexy for him, well, we had a lot of problems to deal with. I rummaged through the drawers, feeling like all my clothes weren’t meant for parties. The jeans I wore were ripped at the knees and so skin tight I could hardly breathe in them. All of my shirts…none felt flashy enough.

  Not that I wanted to draw attention to myself, but…no, that’s exactly what I wanted. Sawyer had to know I wasn’t playing his game, and that I’d already picked my side: Declan’s.

  “I’m changing,” I said, finding a grey shirt with a few sparkly bits and sliding it on. My hair was wavy, some makeup actually on my face. I thought I looked kind of hot, but when I spun to view Declan, who hadn’t moved an inch, I started to wonder if I just looked like a dolled-up troll. “What’s wrong? Do I look funny?” I didn’t put on shoes yet, so now was the time to figure out if my outfit looked good or not. If there was something wrong with it, with me, I had to know.

  “Why are you all dressed up?” Declan asked, finally moving to put his bag down. He could not take his eyes off me.

  Did I look that bad?

  I said nothing as I went into the bathroom, to the full-length mirror on the door. Nope. Looked damn good. Super fine. Definitely sexy, so why the hell was Declan staring at me like he’d never seen someone so hideous before?

  Emerging from the bathroom, I said, “I’m going to a party. You could come, if you want.” The light coming in from the windows was fading slowly but steadily. Soon enough it’d be dark; prime partying time when it came to college parties. No one started their party when it was still light out.

  Of course I knew Declan wasn’t going to come. He didn’t seem like a partying sort. He was more of a stay-in-and-wish-my-life-was-better kind of guy. Sad, really, because sometimes you needed to party. Sometimes you needed to let loose and dance the night away. There were times when rubbing your sweaty body against someone else’s was the only thing keeping you sane.

  “Whose party?” Declan asked, eyeing me up, like he still wasn’t sure if I looked good or like shit.

  “Sawyer’s,” I said quickly. “Come on, dude. Just tell me if you don’t like the outfit. Does it look that bad?” I glanced down at myself. “Most of my clothes are more of the same—and I’m sure you guys are used to a different type of girl, but—”

  It was clear Declan heard not a word I said after Sawyer. His dark brows came together; he almost looked upset. Almost. It was hard to get a true rise out of him, I found. Or maybe that was just because I reminded him of his dead girlfriend. Who knew?

  “Why would you go to Sawyer’s party? He’s—”

  It was now my turn to interrupt, “I know. Trust me, I know.”

  “No,” Declan said, shaking his head as he took a step towards me. An arm’s length between us, yet it still felt like not enough. Not when he was staring at me like he didn’t want me to go. “No, you have no idea what Sawyer’s like. I grew up with him. I know everything he’s capable of.”

  I held up a finger, going back to my desk and pulling out a small object. The rape whistle my mom never wanted me to leave anywhere without. I didn’t tell her I’d been going to class all week without it, but tonight? Tonight I’d be sure to send her a picture of it in my hand as I was walking, just to put her mind at ease. I loved my mom, I did, but sometimes she was nuts.

  “That’s a whistle,” Declan muttered.

  I put the whistle in my front pocket. “Yep. For my mom. Sorry—you were saying?”

  “I…you can’t go to this party.” He was so serious about it, too. Kind of hilarious, in an annoying, overbearing way. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was worried about me. Stupid, because I was his friend, but he wasn’t mine. I was nothing to him—or at least I should be nothing.

  “Declan, you are aware you can’t tell me what to do, right?”

  He blinked, as if remembering our agreement. He took a step back, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just warning you—Sawyer’s parties are wild, and I’m sure the moment he realizes you’re there, he’ll try to get to you.”

  “I can handle anything Sawyer throws at me,” I told him, wondering if maybe a kernel of him was worried about me. If he was worried, it meant he cared. If he cared about me, at least a little bit, that meant he sort of liked me. If he…okay, not sure where the hell that train of thought was going. “And don’t worry, I’ll be home before it gets really wild.”

  Declan sighed, a hard sigh with so much pent up emotion behind it. “Fine, but if you need me…”

  Honestly, I had no clue where he was going with this, not until he went to his bag and got out a notebook, tearing off a small corner piece. He scribbled something on it and handed it to me, keeping his dark gaze on the ground.

  His number. Declan just gave me his number, and he was blushing like crazy.

  I couldn’t help but wonder how badly he blushed while getting freaky…

  “Thank you,” I said, over-enunciating each word as I tried to get my mind out of the gutter. I stuck his number in one of my back pockets.

  “Just be careful, okay? Those guys, and anyone who’d go to their party…don’t trust any of them,” Declan warned.

  I found myself taking a tiny step towards him. Tiny because I didn’t want to overstep and make him feel uncomfortable. Also tiny because I didn’t trust myself to be that close to him, not with my wandering mind. “Don’t worry,” I said, giving him a cheeky smile. “I’ll be fine, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Declan didn’t look like he
believed me, but he said nothing as I went. I stopped at the union and ate dinner, texting Kelsey about the party. Kelsey was all for it, and not only that, but she wanted me to start putting some notches on my bedpost. Hey, I was down for nailing some hotties, but right now, I was too focused on the whole Declan-Sawyer feud.

  I set my phone down, wondering that since I reminded Declan of Sabrina if I reminded Sawyer of her, too. Seemed almost too ironic that I, the one girl in all of Hillcrest, reminded Declan of her. Almost like it was all set up to be like this.

  But that was a conspiracy theorist’s thought. I didn’t believe in coincidences like that, unless the evidence was laid out before me.

  I lingered in the union until it was about to close. The world outside went dark, and it was officially time for me to head out, to the party I was told not to go to. Would it be fun? Would I regret going? Would I somehow fall for whatever asinine thing Sawyer said? Hmm. More likely I’d find Travis. Out of the two of them, Travis would be my choice. All those tattoos—what was not to like?

  I’d really like some tattoos of my own…but my mom would kill me, even though I was an adult. As soon as I was out of her house, and also as soon as I had the money, I’d be getting some.

  I exited the union after doing a quick search for Front Street. The big white house was all I had to go on, but it was late enough, the moon already high in the black sky, that the party should be going by now. With any luck it’d be obvious which one was Sawyer’s.

  As I walked, I knew I probably had no idea what I was about to get into, but honestly? That was half of the fun, and I adored fun like a druggie adored their next fix.

  Chapter Twelve – Ash

  Yep. Definitely obvious which house on Front Street was Sawyer’s. All of the houses were mansion-like, but the big white one with stone columns and a fountain in the front? That keyed me in, along with the red solo cups littered in the grass, because you couldn’t have a party without those. Those cups were a party staple.

  A house like this, rented out by a student at Hillcrest? It was insanity to me. Total insanity. I knew it was a rental, mostly because all of the houses near campus were. They were like that near the community college back at home, too. I supposed Sawyer could’ve had roommates, but somehow I knew he was ‘too good’ for that.

  I headed up the stone walkway that led to the front door, walking inside. Immediately my ears were blasted with music, my body feeling its rhythm even though I wasn’t anywhere near the speakers. The house kept the loud noise in pretty well; walking up to it, you’d never guess the inside made your ears want to bleed.

  I was surprised to see just as many girls here as there were guys. They had to be locals, or from the nearby public college. They were all dressed to party, wearing short, tight dresses with so many sequins your eyes hurt and enough makeup to make even the most acne-ridden person on the globe look clear-skinned. Tons of hairspray and lip gloss. So many reflective surfaces I didn’t know where to look.

  God, I felt underdressed. I knew I would be, in my jeans and shirt, but I didn’t own clothes like that. Kelsey did, but me? I was always the one to sit back and watch Kelsey have fun. If a guy came to me, he came to me, but I never sought them out myself. I didn’t have to. There was always some runoff from Kelsey.

  Tonight, things were going to be different. I wasn’t here to hook up or to escort my friend. I wasn’t here to be the designated driver who couldn’t drink. I was here for Sawyer, to see what he was really about, and so far, all I knew was that he threw some kickass parties. Everyone looked like they were having fun, especially the few couples making out by the stairs.

  I headed down the hall, emerging into the kitchen, where there was plenty of alcohol to choose from. Wine coolers, beer, even bottled vodka. I was not a fan of that stronger stuff, at least not straight.

  “Well, look who it is,” a deep, lazy male voice spoke behind me. It was not one I’d heard a lot before, but I recognized it all the same. When I turned to face a half-smiling Sawyer—because apparently that’s all he could ever muster the strength to do—he went on, “Travis said he invited you, but I bet him you wouldn’t come. You made me lose a grand, Ash.”

  A thousand dollars on whether or not I’d come? Holy shit. A grand was…probably like pocket change to these boys.

  “So you and Travis have been talking about me,” I said, leaning on the counter behind me, the counter full of different bottled alcohol. I doubted half of the people here were legally able to drink, but that never stopped anyone. This was America. We kind of had underage drinking down pat.

  Sawyer’s eyes dropped to my feet, which wore my typical high tops, slowly traveling up my legs to take in my torn jeans. “Hard not to, considering you’re the only girl on campus.” He wore a clean blazer and nicely-pressed jeans. Even when he was letting loose, he looked like a rich boy.

  Though most of the other partygoers were in the living room dancing or upstairs getting naughty, I could still see a few girls lingering around the kitchen. They were busy talking amongst themselves, but every so often their eyes would flick to me. They did not do well hiding their jealousy, though I wasn’t sure what they were jealous of. Sawyer talking to me? Come on.

  “Doesn’t stop you from inviting other girls to your parties, does it?” I asked, feigning a stretch as I went to fluff the back of my hair. The motion made my chest puff out, and it also drew Sawyer’s gaze to my breasts.

  What a loser.

  He moved closer to me, nearly blocking my view of the kitchen. I was practically pinned between him and the counter, even if there were a few inches of air between us. “I can’t throw an all-guys party. That would be too boring.”

  “Right,” I said, turning my chin up to look at him. “Because a party ain’t a party without some sex.” I’d forgotten how tall he was. So damn tall. My neck hurt as it craned back.

  I’d also forgotten how attractive Sawyer was, douchiness aside. His square jaw, the way his blonde stubble lightly dusted his chin, how the blueness in his eyes reflected the light like the waters in the Caribbean. He might’ve been a rich boy with a half-assed smile, but his looks made my body warm in all the right places.

  Too bad, really.

  “You’re right,” Sawyer spoke, reaching behind me. His arm brushed against my shoulder, and I fought the tingling sensation that arose afterward. “You have to have sex, and you have to have booze.” His arm brushed along my shoulder again as he held something between us: a red solo cup. “What’ll you have?”

  I met his sapphire stare as I said, “Surprise me.”

  Another half smirk crossed his face as he went to mix me a drink. I watched him do it, popping corks and unscrewing caps. I had no idea what he was mixing, but he seemed to know his way around all the different kinds of alcohol filling up his kitchen. Was I really going to drink it? Eh. Maybe. Maybe not.

  I did want to learn more about him though, and playing nice was the only hand I had to play right now.

  “A Purple Hill, for the new lady,” Sawyer said, handing me the cup. Its contents were mostly purple, which must’ve been how it got its name. A Sawyer specialty.

  I made the mistake of smelling it. It was strong, that’s for sure. Very strong. So strong it might knock you over if you weren’t careful enough. I lifted the cup to my mouth, aware that Sawyer was watching me, and took a sip. Holy hell, I’d never wanted to flinch so badly, but I didn’t. I didn’t even blink as the strong stuff made its way down my throat.

  No exaggeration, but it burned. I think that sip cut a year or two off my lifespan.

  “This is a big house,” I commented as a group of giggling girls sauntered into the kitchen, practically tripping over themselves to get to the drinks. A pair of guys were behind them, grinning to themselves. “Surely you don’t live here all alone?”

  Sawyer was way too cocky when he replied, “I’m hardly alone here. There’s always someone willing to keep me warm at night.”

  “You do have money. I
’m sure that makes the girls just fall over each other to be with you.”

  He still wore that half-assed smile, too. If I was a more naive girl, I’d be swooning right where I stood, but I knew better. Men with smirks like that were never good, especially ones with money. “It’s not just my money. Most of my talents actually lie elsewhere.”

  I met his stare, refusing to break it, even as the girls glaring at me from across the kitchen scowled and sneered. Was Sawyer trying to say his dick skills were legendary? I laughed, and I actually sounded amused.

  Good thing, too. I’d hate to come off as intrigued—because, deep down, I kind of was.

  “Where would that be?” I questioned, taking another agonizing sip of his concoction. I set the cup on the counter beside me, folding my arms over my chest and lifting a single brow. “What talents could a rich boy like you have that doesn’t involve mommy and daddy’s money?” I was baiting him. I knew I was baiting him, and still I couldn’t stop.

  “You’d have to be naked in order for me to answer that question,” Sawyer spoke, smoothly leaning towards me. He smelled like booze, but underneath the alcohol, there was the faintest trace of musk. Earthy, almost. His fancy cologne. “If you’re up for a demonstration…”

  I chuckled, pushing off the counter behind me. I ran a hand down his chest, tilting my face up to his. Though my mind thought one thing, my body thought the opposite. My heart rate skyrocketed, my skin growing all different kinds of warm. My lower gut churned in the best of ways.

  God, I was a horny bitch right now, but that horny bitch would have to wait until the shower in the dorm room. Here? Tonight? There would be no release, at least not for me.

  “As if I’ll be that easy,” I said, dragging my hand off his chest and sidestepping him. I headed into the living room, knowing he was following me. Sawyer liked the chase. Most guys did. It made them so easy to fool.

  I started swaying my hips in tune with the music just like everyone else around me. The living room was a makeshift dance floor, all the furniture pushed aside to make room for the undulating, sweaty bodies. There were some people who I would’ve sworn were having sex right here, right now, but a long double-take clarified that right up. He still had pants on, but the girl had on nothing under her dress, hence the confusing bit.