Sounds of Silence: A Contemporary Romance Read online

  There was no way Michelle’s words would be true, that I could ever keep both Mason and Calum, but that didn’t stop me from losing myself in a daydream.

  That night, when sleep called to me, my body and mind answered right away. It was not a fitful sleep, as it usually was. It was the pure, unabashed embrace of blackness, sweet and silent, dreamless, the kind of sleep I should get every night instead of the wakeful, interrupted bouts I did.

  It was nice. A girl could get used to it.

  Mason and I were currently sprawled out in my room, copies of journals before us, bits and pieces highlighted and numbered. We were trying to structure how our paper would be. We couldn’t actually write the entire paper until we got enough results to look over—still working on getting all that done, unfortunately—but we could get everything ready. Either way, we would have to come up with reasons why our hypothesis was supported or not.

  Because, in every single psychology class, it was hammered into your brain: you could never prove a hypothesis. You could only support it or disprove it. Everything we took for granted, like the law of gravity or the laws of motion, were only ever supported by the thousands of experiments run all across the globe and in history. Because, in a scientific scope, there was no way humans knew it all. Best support something instead of claiming it was one hundred percent infallible, so if or when the time came that something went against it, everything in the past did not have to be scrapped.

  It was just one of those things they told you over and over again, so much that the phrase became natural in your head. Kind of like the whole correlation versus causation debate. Don’t even get me started on that one.

  Mason had become a bit better about asking about Calum. Granted, I was pretty sure that was because he knew Calum was now out of town. He’d been gone for a week now. I…I haven’t heard from him if he planned on visiting me this weekend or not, and I was trying not to freak out about it.

  He had a life. He had a job. He had a bunch of other things to pay attention to besides me. I knew he wouldn’t come every weekend. Hell, at this point, I doubted he’d take the time and ever see me. I mean, it was just me. I certainly did not merit a two and a half hour drive one way just to see me for a bit.

  Still, I missed him. I missed those bright blue eyes, the almost whiteness of his hair, the way he oozed maturity and confidence. He was a man that had somehow captured me, dragged me in, and made me swoon over him—something not many other men could claim.

  Mason could, though. His dimples, his easy smile, his non-stop chatter about any stupid thing. Oh, somehow he’d gotten me, too.

  Two men at once. It was ridiculous, almost like a strange set up for a sitcom or something.

  But, no. This was my life, and it would never end up like a sitcom. Eventually, one would leave, or they’d force me to choose, and I’d be so paralyzed with indecision that they both would get angry and leave.

  Hmm. Maybe that would be a good thing. Then my life could go back to the way it was, me zoning out every day, going on with life with no hopes or cares. Right now my mind thought far too much about both men and the feelings they stirred within me.

  I hardly recognized myself anymore, some days. I mean, I thought about kissing them, for God’s sake. I thought about their mouths, their hands, their bodies…I wondered what it would be like to be caught under the sheets with them.

  Not once in my life had I ever thought about sex, in the way of actually having it. Sure, I thought about it before, but that was always me wondering what the big deal was, why everyone always claimed it made a relationship or broke a relationship, why it was so important to so many people. I’d gone twenty years of my life without having it; clearly, it couldn’t be that important.

  “Earth to Bree,” Mason’s voice chimed in, causing me to snap out of it and meet those warm, inviting amber eyes. “You in there?

  I blinked. “Yes. Sorry, I was…” I trailed off, not sure what I was doing. Of course, I knew what I was thinking about—sex—but it wasn’t like I wanted to freely admit that to Mason. No, I was pretty sure he would only get the wrong idea.

  Or he’d get insanely jealous because he’d think I was only imagining myself with Calum, which I wasn’t.

  “It’s okay,” he said, picking up the clue that I did not want to say anything about it. “We’ve been going at this for a while, now. We could call it quits for the night.”

  My phone sat on the floor beside me, and I checked it. For the time, not for any missed messages from Calum. It was just after five. Mom would be downstairs, figuring out dinner, and Dad wouldn’t be home until seven since it was his late night at work.

  Mason began to pack up the papers, a small grin on his face, as there usually was. Such a cute, eternal grin, it was permanently imprinted in my brain. That grin popped up any time I thought about him, any time I pictured him, and it was something that would stick with me, long after he moved on.

  When my bedroom floor was all cleaned up, he zipped up his bag and turned that grin on me. “Hey,” he started, the grin dimming somewhat, “I was wondering if you’re free tomorrow night.”

  Tomorrow night was Friday. If there was one thing Mason should know about me by now, it was that I never had plans, except for the few times Calum had taken me out. But he wasn’t here anymore, and I hadn’t heard of him wanting to visit, so as far as I was concerned, I would spend my Friday alone.

  Although, maybe not.

  “You want to work more on the project?” I asked. It was true, if Mason wasn’t as talkative about every little thing, we probably would’ve been way ahead of where we were now, but I wasn’t complaining. He had passion, life. He enjoyed talking about everything; who was I to stop him and rain on his parade?

  “Not exactly what I was thinking” was what he chose to say, confusing me.

  “Then what…” Surely he couldn’t mean—

  “I was thinking I could pick you up, bring you to my house. We could hang out for a bit. Watch a movie, do some eating.” Mason shrugged. “You know. Normal stuff.”

  Maybe it was just because my mind had been on sex earlier, but I found myself asking, “Like a date?” Was Mason asking me out on a date, or was it all in my head? Did I just make a fool of myself for asking? I guess I’d find out shortly. Shit. I hated not knowing.

  That devilish grin appeared again, growing tenfold when I mentioned the word date. “It doesn’t have to be a date. It could be just two friends hanging out and spending time with each other,” he suggested, pausing before adding, “or it could be a date. Is that what you want, Bree?”

  What did I want? At this point, I was too frightened of what I really wanted to admit it to anyone.

  I decided to ask, “What do you want?” Kind of a pointless question, because I thought the whole world knew, at this point, what Mason wanted from me. Him being late that day had set off a chain of events and threatened to change my life, and frankly, I didn’t know how to handle it.

  “I want it to be a date,” he rattled off, “but I’m happy with any time with you. I’d never push you into anything—I hope you know that.” He sounded so sincere, so genuine, and the way he looked at me, as if I was his whole world…what could I possibly say to him?

  Well, besides, “Then it’s a date.” Because that’s what I said, before I thought better of it.

  Whoops.

  Mason beamed, and I had to look away, feeling too warm inside from that handsome, dimpled grin. “Great,” he said. “I already have something planned. I hope you like it.”

  I barely said anything else, fearing what other shenanigans I’d get myself into, as Mason left. I walked with him to the front door, gave him a wave as he walked to his car, and watched him go.

  Mom came over from the kitchen, peering outside around the door. “Oh, so he’s not staying for dinner, then?” That much should’ve been obvious from watching him drive off, but apparently she wanted to hear it from me. Lucky me.

  I quietly shut the door
, shaking my head. “No, but…but I have a date with him tomorrow night.”

  If Mason beamed at my acceptance of the date, my mom looked like she wanted to explode with happiness—which I really wished she wouldn’t. That would just be a mess nobody would want to clean up.

  “Really? Oh, that’s wonderful news, Bree,” my mom spoke, grinning ear to ear. “Mason is such a nice boy, and unlike Calum, he’s closeby.” Mom didn’t know the whole story with Calum, but she did know that he’d gone home. I bet she thought I’d never see him again.

  Even though Calum texted me more often, even though we spoke on the phone to catch each other up with our days, I kind of felt the same.

  My mom hummed as she returned to the kitchen, and I hurriedly went back upstairs to my room, closing myself away and heaving a sigh. Going on a date with Mason, going to his place…I didn’t know who he lived with, if he lived with friends or with his family.

  What if he had the place all to himself? He did work a lot; he’d told me so before. What if he rented a place all by himself, and I was willingly going to a house or apartment that he and I would be alone in?

  Could I handle being alone with him? I wondered that as I sat at my desk, running a finger over my laptop. I trusted Mason—but that was the problem. I trusted him, but I didn’t necessarily trust me. I wanted more, but at the same time, I didn’t.

  Ugh. What was wrong with me, seriously?

  I set my head down on my laptop, feeling another explosive sigh build within me. Nothing could be easy for me, nothing could be straightforward. I honestly hated it. Everything was so much simpler before Mason and Calum stormed into my life and refused to leave it. I was perfectly fine living my miserable existence before.

  Now…now I was just miserable and confused.

  And hopeful, which just made it all worse, really.

  It was as I sat there, lost in my own thoughts, that I thought to reach for my phone. Now would be a good time to hear Calum’s voice, but still, my phone held no unread messages from him. That was probably for the best, anyways. Let him forget about me; at least it would make it easier on me. I wouldn’t have to wrestle with my feelings for two guys at once.

  Would it really stop me, though, from thinking about him? From imagining his lips on mine, his arms encircling me and holding me close? Probably not. I didn’t think anything could.

  Chapter Thirteen – Mason

  After class on Friday, I did a mad cleaning sweep of the whole apartment. Top to bottom, I didn’t even leave the walls untouched. I did my laundry, even put it away, dusted, vacuumed, the whole shebang. I didn’t want to seem like a slob to her, so I did everything in my power to make it seem like I had everything together.

  I did, but, uh, I was just messy about it. With class and work, cleaning was usually the last thing on my mind when I got home after a long day, you know? Plus, I usually had homework to do, so by the time all that shit was done, I was usually calling it quits for the night.

  Not today, though.

  Bree had been pretty quiet during class this morning, and I did wonder if it was because she was nervous about our date tonight. She hardly touched the hot chocolate I brought her—something I thought odd, since the weather was slowly getting colder. In a month, it’d be straight-up winter, and nobody was ready for that shit.

  The snow, the cold, the ice…yeah, winter was just miserable, if you asked me.

  After I cleaned the apartment, I hopped in the shower for a quick rinse. Didn’t want to smell like sweat when I was with Bree. Not that I expected we’d be close, but, you know, I was hopeful. After all, with Calum gone, it was just me and her now. From my not-so-sly asking, I knew Calum still talked to her, but talking to her and actually spending time with her were two vastly different things. I had the upper hand now, not him.

  Who knew? Maybe after tonight, she wouldn’t want to talk to Calum anymore. Maybe she’d realize that Mr. Right had been in front of her all along.

  Me. I was Mr. Right, in case you were wondering. Mr. Right who, only by a twist of fate, had stumbled upon his girl accidentally. Never had I been so thankful for being late to class before.

  When I was ready, when I was confident my apartment could pass the white glove test, I texted Bree that I was about to leave to pick her up. I threw on a jacket and headed downstairs and out to my car.

  As I drove, I kept the radio on low, my mind racing too much to focus on any of the songs being played. I couldn’t believe I was going to pick Bree up, to bring her to my place, where we could be alone. So many things could happen when you were alone with someone else, things which neither of you expected to happen.

  Now, I wasn’t saying I expected anything to happen with Bree, but…I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping, at least a little.

  I was a guy, after all, a guy completely obsessed over the girl with sad eyes and pink hair.

  To my surprise, Bree stood outside when I pulled into her driveway. She was bundled up in an oversized hoodie, ankle-high boots in place of her usual Vans sneakers. When I pulled up, she hurried over to the passenger seat and got in, shivering a bit as she buckled her seatbelt.

  “You could’ve waited inside,” I told her, a tiny grin on my face. “I could’ve come up and got you, promised your parents that I’m going to take good care of you tonight—” The look she gave me stopped me dead in my rambling tracks.

  “Maybe that’s what I was trying to avoid,” Bree whispered.

  Was that…was she meeting my sarcasm with some of her own? The more I spent time with her, the more I got to know her. And, therefore, the more I realized she did have a personality under her quietness. I really did like her, a hell of a lot.

  After I let out a chuckle, I said, “Last chance to back out, otherwise you’re going to spend all night with me.”

  Her brows lifted. “All night?”

  Ah, uh, right. That probably sounded a little wrong. “You know what I mean.” Before I could make any more of a fool of myself, I backed the car up and drove off.

  Bree was silent as she turned her head, gazing out of the window, watching the scenery pass us by. She fiddled with her hands on her lap, something she did often. I stole as many glances as I could without getting us into an accident, never able to stare at her quite enough.

  She wasn’t the stereotypical beauty, but I was enraptured in her all the same. Even that pink hair had grown on me—though I did think it had faded somewhat over these last few weeks. It wasn’t nearly as blinding as it was when I’d first started talking to her. Even in that big hoodie, she was small. She had the stature of a kid, though she was anything but a child.

  She was a woman. A woman who clearly didn’t think much of herself, and I hated that. I hated that she thought nothing of herself. If there was something I could do for her, if I could make her feel better about herself, make her feel alive, that’s what I wanted to do. What I needed to do. This girl…I had to show her how important she was to me.

  “So,” I said, breaking the silence of the car ride and causing those green eyes to dart to me, “what do you want for dinner? I figured we’d get something delivered, unless you really want me to cook—then we’ll have to swing by the grocery store. I should warn you, I’m not very good with the oven, but—”

  “We can order in,” Bree said, stopping me from rambling.

  “Any thoughts on what you want?” When she said nothing else, I went on, “Chinese, Italian, Subway, McDonald’s, Chipotle…” I literally named every restaurant and fast food place in the area that I knew delivered, but she made no moves to tell me what she was in the mood for, so apparently the choice would be up to me.

  Bree murmured, “I’ve never had Chipotle before.”

  My heart nearly stopped at that. “Well, then it’s settled. We’re getting Chipotle.” Such a travesty. Chipotle got me through my high school years, and many awkward dates before this one with Bree.

  This…this wasn’t going to be awkward, though. I really liked th
is girl, more than I liked anyone else before. I would do everything in my power to make sure this date was anything but awkward.

  When I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, I whipped out my phone and placed the order. I had to go through the list of things Bree could get, though she was tight-lipped about what she wanted, so I pretty much had to guess what she would like in her bowl. Evening had already fallen; the daylight hours grew shorter with every passing day. I was not looking forward to the time jump, when it’d be even darker earlier in the day.

  We went in shortly after, and I let Bree step into my apartment first. She was slow to walk in, taking in the immediate space. The kitchen sat on the right, while the living room area was directly on the left, a hall resting between them, where the bathroom and bedroom were. None of the rooms were overly large, but it served its purpose, and it was pretty cheap to rent. I purposefully chose one not directly beside campus, figuring the rent would be lower the further away you went from SCC.

  I hung my jacket on the back of the door, offering to take Bree’s. She looked uneasy at first, but after a moment, she wriggled herself out of her hoodie and handed it to me. I hung it beside mine, tossing a quick look at her over my shoulder.

  Instead of her usual long sweater, she wore a t-shirt. The shirt wasn’t long enough to cover her ass, so its curve was visible anytime she turned around. Man, I felt like I leered too much anytime I was with her, constantly trying to get a good view of that pretty little ass.

  “The food should be here in twenty minutes,” I said, gesturing to the living room. I sat us down on the couch, reclining back as I stared at her even more. It was hard not to stare, honestly.

  “Okay,” she whispered, flicking that stare to me, causing my heart to do some weird palpitations in my chest.

  “I bought something for us to watch,” I told her.