Sounds of Silence: A Contemporary Romance Read online

  “Why?”

  I shook my head. “No reason.”

  “You’re still on it, aren’t you?” Bree knew me all too well. Apparently my desperation had seeped through those text messages last night after all. “My date with Calum.”

  Calum. So that was his name? Hmm. Sounded like a stupid name, if I ever heard one.

  “I am not—” I started to argue, but the look she gave me right then stopped me. Right. There was no use in trying to pretend something we both knew wasn’t true. Might as well own up to my lameness now, I suppose. “Fine, I totally am. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

  “Why? You weren’t even there.”

  “Hence my issue.”

  Bree turned confused, her eyebrows coming together and her nose scrunching a bit. “You wanted to be there?”

  Uh, a third wheel on her date with another guy? I didn’t think so. I said, “No, I mean, I want to be the one to take you out, not this Calum guy. Not that I know him, but he sounds like a jerk—”

  “He was actually very nice last night,” she said, her words coming out quietly.

  I could’ve sworn my eye twitched right then.

  “You’re jealous,” she went on. “It would be easier for you if he was a jerk, wouldn’t it?” Bree set down her pen, fiddling with the sleeves on her sweater. “You shouldn’t be jealous, Mason. It isn’t like I’m his girlfriend.”

  Ah, so the date didn’t go that well, huh? Good.

  I knew I was a terrible person for thinking that, but I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t help it.

  “I’m not yours, either,” she added. “So I don’t understand why you feel so jealous.”

  Emotions warred inside of me, waves of strong feelings I couldn’t deny. Was this girl really that oblivious, or was I that good at hiding how I really felt? Either way, I figured I should tell her, just to clear the air, to get it off my chest.

  I opened my mouth, slowly saying, “Because, Bree, I like you.”

  Her eyes widened somewhat, and it would seem I rendered her speechless with my declaration.

  Resisting my urge to scoot closer to her, I said, “I like you. I’m jealous because I want to take you out and show you a good time. I want to see that smile of yours and hear that laugh.” I shrugged, as if I wasn’t confessing my deepest feelings to her right now. “If that makes you uncomfortable, I can see about talking to the professor to see if we can change partners—”

  Trying not to scare her away was hard. A lot harder than I thought. She looked like she wanted to bolt, to run away and not look back.

  But then her fright eased, and she dropped her gaze to her lap. When she said what she said next, my heart sped up in my chest: “I don’t want to work with anyone else. I only want to work with you.”

  I felt myself smiling, unable to stop myself.

  “Even though sometimes you’re a little much,” Bree whispered, glancing at me behind dark lashes, “I like listening to you talk. Last night your texts actually made me smile.”

  My out of control jealousy made her smile? Well, it was totally worth it, then, wasn’t it?

  “Wish I was there to see it,” I spoke, running my palms against my legs. Felt clammy, sweaty. Plus, I wanted to reach for her, bring her onto my lap, and feel those lips on mine. Bet they were soft.

  “I was in bed.”

  That made me think of other things, things which I shouldn’t think about right now, not while I was trying to act smooth.

  Bree must’ve known where my mind went, for she quickly added, “I didn’t mean—I don’t—” She let out a soft sigh, running a hand through her pink hair and getting her fingers tangled in its lengths. “You make me confused, Mason.”

  “A good kind of confused?” I questioned, leaning toward her in spite of myself. She just looked so small, too busy wrestling with whatever was in her head. I really just wanted to hold her. Would that be going too far, too fast?

  “Is there a good kind of confused?”

  I nodded. “There is.”

  Her cheeks were pink and absolutely adorable. She appeared embarrassed to be having this conversation with me, but at this point, there was no going back. “We should…really get to work,” Bree whispered, never once breaking eye contact with me. She must’ve seen me leaning closer, but she did not make any moves to back herself away.

  I probably shouldn’t do what I was about to do. It would probably only make things complicated, but I didn’t care. My body, my mind, every part of me craved this girl, and I had to show her that I wasn’t just some jealous boy who didn’t know how to handle himself around a girl he liked. I wanted to show her that I could be the smooth, confident guy that could take her out and show her the world.

  My lips found hers, touching them softly. Not a passionate kiss, but a gentle, sweet one, one that told her everything my fumbling words couldn’t. I liked her. I liked her so much it was almost unreal, and I couldn’t help myself when it came to her. She was the only one I wanted, the only girl I wanted to spend time with. Somehow, that pink hair and the seriousness behind her emerald stare had gotten to me.

  Bree was too stunned to kiss me back. By the time I pulled my mouth off hers, she was giving me a shocked look.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured, not very sorry at all. “I could take it back, if you want?”

  Her lips were parted slightly, and they were actually softer than they looked—and they looked pretty damn soft, let me tell you. Not cracked and dry, they were exactly the kind of lips you could spend hours getting to know, and still crave more. “How would you take a kiss back?”

  “Like this.” It was more of a demonstration than anything, and it involved kissing her again. This time harder. I was more confident now, wanting more, needing more. She truly brought something out of me, and I was too weak to fight it, to try to bottle up my emotions and hide them away, pretend they did not exist.

  Bree’s mouth was more pliant this time, molding against mine effortlessly. She was being cautious, but at the same time, she was kissing me back—and that’s all I really wanted. Feeling her lips play a gentle tug of war with mine told me all I needed to know: she liked me, too, even if her words did not say it.

  I was out of breath by the time I tore my mouth off hers. Her pale cheeks had turned even redder, giving color to her almost ghostly complexion. A grin formed on my face, I couldn’t help it. She appeared to be beyond shocked at what I’d done, and yet, the way she’d reacted, I knew she’d liked it.

  Finally, she found her voice. “How is that taking it back? You just…you just kissed me again.” Bree sounded breathless in the best of ways, and I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if that’s how she’d sound in the middle of more intimate acts.

  “I did?” I cocked my head, thinking on it. “Huh, I thought that was me taking it back. I could try again, if you want.” I still leaned close to her, only a few inches between us, separating us. Frankly, I could kiss her all afternoon and all night, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  A teeny, tiny, nearly nonexistent smile grew, and Bree shook her head once. “I…I think we should get some work done.”

  “Bree,” I started, “if that was too much, I—”

  “No,” she said softly, whispering as I spoke, “I just…this is all new to me, so I…”

  I hated how unsure she sounded, how worried her tone was. If I knew what to say to make her feel better, if I knew what to tell her to get rid of all of the doubts in her mind, I would say it without hesitation. The last thing I wanted was for Bree to feel uneasy, for me to push her to go too far, too fast. She was a delicate flower, and I had to be careful with her.

  “It’s okay,” I told her, reclining back to the spot I was in before I’d started leaning in to kiss her. Though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I offered, “If you want to pretend none of that just happened, we can.” Please say no, please say no.

  Bree reached up, touching her lips with the tips of her fingers, her eyes on the note
book before her. I could tell she was lost in thought, and I hoped they were good thoughts and not thoughts involving how she could wipe what just happened from her memory.

  “I…I don’t know what I want,” Bree whispered, slowly lifting those eyes to look at me. The message she portrayed in that glance made my heart swell in my chest. Hope, it gave me hope, and yet at the same time I knew I would have to take it slow with her, lest I scare her off completely. No more going off the rails, no more doing anything unless she explicitly asked me to or gave me permission.

  “Well,” I told her, grinning, “I’ll be here when you figure it out.”

  We spent the next two hours working on our project, tweaking our questionnaire and figuring out ways we could get a good subject pool. On Monday, I’d ask the professor if we could use the class as a base, a starting point. I supposed we could add our families, too, though their answers might skew the data. We’d put it on social media, share the link everywhere we could. Hopefully some of our followers and friends would take five minutes out of their day and help us out.

  Don’t get me wrong, it was insanely difficult to focus while knowing what her lips felt like against mine, and as the day wore on, I couldn’t help but wonder if that Calum guy had kissed her on their date. If my advances to her confused her, I didn’t want to say it was good, but I sure as hell did not want to bow out of the running just because of some other guy.

  No, just because some other guy was in the equation didn’t mean I’d simply take a step back and let him have her without a fight. I liked this girl, too. And, hell, who knew? Maybe this Calum guy only wanted one thing.

  Of course, I wanted that too, not going to lie, but that was just a tiny fraction of what I wanted from Bree. What did I want? Everything. Her body, her mind, her soul. I wanted everything, and I wouldn’t stop until I got it.

  Chapter Eleven – Calum

  I texted Bree a bit during the week. Not much, because I knew she had class, and I had to remotely work, but when Friday came around, I upped the messages. I wanted to see her, needed to see her again. I…it was time for me to go back, for me to go home, and I needed to see her one more time before I left, to know whether what I felt was real, or if, somehow, I was caught up in the moment during our date.

  With the moon overhead and the string lights lighting the walkways in the park, it was damn near impossible not to get caught up in the moment, but the more I thought about her, the more I knew it wasn’t just me being a romantic.

  Hence the reason why I needed to see her again.

  I’d already packed up most everything, save for a change of clothes for tomorrow and a toothbrush. Really, all that was left was to see Bree.

  She told me I could come over, which I took to be a good sign. She wouldn’t invite me over to her house if she didn’t like me at least somewhat, right? Or maybe it was that sister of hers pulling the strings. Michelle was very into her sister’s business.

  I didn’t wait a single second after I got the confirmation from her; I hopped in the car and drove right over.

  Only her mom and her sister were home. Her dad, from what it sounded like, would be in the office until later. Her mom was nice, although much more reminiscent of Michelle than Bree. It did make me wonder if Bree was more like her dad than her mom, though. Michelle and their mom shared the blonde hair and blue eyes—their hair color was more a dirty blonde, though. Nowhere near as light as mine.

  Michelle would be leaving to go out with Kyle in a few, which left their mom. It seemed she got the hint, though, for she ordered pizza for us and then promptly disappeared up the stairs to give us privacy, I guess. And the living room all to ourselves.

  Bree and I sat on the couch. The flat-screen television set across the room was off, the remote sitting on the coffee table near us, though neither of us went for it. She hugged a pillow to her chest, glancing at me every so often, as if she was nervous about what I was going to say. Maybe she thought I was going to tell her I didn’t want to see her again, that everything I’d told her last Friday had been a lie.

  It wasn’t. I meant what I said. I wasn’t a liar.

  And the more I looked at her, the more I realized that I couldn’t just say goodbye to her. Everything I’d told her wasn’t only in the heat of the moment, the romantic atmosphere of the walk; I meant it with all of my heart and soul, as sappy as that sounded.

  Usually, I wasn’t one for sap, but Bree brought it out of me. I wanted to tell her everything she wanted to hear, I wanted to make her at ease, to wrap my arms around her and let her relax. To push the world and its horrors away, to protect her. I wanted to do all these things for a girl I’d basically just met. How bad would I be in a month, if I still talked to her? If I made the drive out here every weekend and saw her, kept dating her?

  If…if I made her my girlfriend?

  Would she even want to be my girlfriend? It was hard to read her sometimes, even more difficult to know what she wanted. She was the epitome of shy and reserved, though those green eyes were the windows to her soul.

  “How was your week?” I asked, reclining back and setting my arm on the back cushion. She didn’t sit directly beside me, so it wasn’t like my arm touched her back or her shoulders or anything. I kind of wished they did. I wished I could pull her in close and just breathe her in.

  “Okay,” she answered. “I had a pop quiz in sociology, and I worked more on my group project, but that’s pretty much it.” Bree toyed with the corner of the pillow. “How was yours?”

  “Good,” I said, shrugging. There really wasn’t much to tell, since I hadn’t really done anything. “I thought about you a lot.”

  She blinked, as if she hadn’t been expecting that. “You did?”

  Nodding once, I scooted closer to her on the couch, needing to be nearer. “I did,” I whispered, reaching to touch the pillow on her lap. Now my other arm finally grazed her shoulders, and I dropped it until it sat around her. “You’re on my mind a lot, Bree.”

  Her hands gripped the pillow hard, and she asked, “Why?”

  “Because I like you, and I want to take you out more,” I told her, meaning every word. “Because you’re sweet and gentle and kind—and pretty.” Yes, though I might’ve claimed she wasn’t my type during our first meeting, the more I thought about her pink hair, the more I liked it. No one wore a mop of pink hair quite like her.

  Bree looked away, biting her bottom lip. “I am not.”

  “You are,” I whispered, running my thumb along her arm. “Whether or not you believe it, you are.”

  She said nothing for a long time, and I wondered if she wrestled with herself. It was obvious she didn’t have confidence in herself, that she didn’t believe she was pretty or anything like that. I hated that she thought along those lines, but I also knew that only meant I had to tell her it more often.

  When Bree finally spoke, she said something I wasn’t expecting: “I thought about you a lot, too.”

  Hearing that made me smile. “You did?” There was nothing better than hearing the girl you liked was thinking about you, too. Maybe this girl would want to go at it long distance. I knew she’d changed my mind about the subject; I didn’t want to simply stop seeing her once I went back home.

  No. No fucking way.

  “You confuse me,” she added, those green eyes meeting mine. Bree hugged the pillow even closer to her chest now, and I wondered if I tore that pillow away from her, if she’d cling to me like that, instead.

  But I wouldn’t take away her defenses like that.

  “I confused you? Why?”

  “You make me want things I never wanted before,” Bree whispered, her voice the softest I’d ever heard it. “You make me feel…” Her eyelids fell. “Real.”

  Her words made me ache inside. No one had ever said anything remotely close to that to me, and I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t want Bree to ever feel like she wasn’t real, like she wasn’t really living a life, and I couldn’t help but wonder right the
n if that’s how she felt every day of her life. If so…God, that was depressing, and I hated that she felt that way.

  “And I don’t know why you feel all these things for me,” Bree added. “I’m not special. I’m not anything.”

  She really didn’t think much of herself, did she?

  I did the only thing I could: I wrapped my other arm around her and hugged her to my chest, letting her hold onto the pillow all the while. I held onto her like she was the most precious thing I’d ever gotten my hands on…and I supposed she was. Fragile, so close to breaking, constantly. Bree thought herself less than nothing, and that was no way to live a life, no way to spend your days, your years.

  Fuck. This girl broke my heart, and we weren’t even together.

  Her mom seemed nice, and I knew enough about Michelle to know about her, too. If Mr. Stone was a shitty guy, I would’ve heard about it from Kyle. Bree came from a good family, so I had no idea why she was like this, why she constantly put herself down and never believed anything good about herself.

  I held onto her for a long time, and our embrace was only interrupted by the doorbell. The pizza delivery.

  Bree was slow to lean away from me, and even though I didn’t want to let her go, even though my body felt a coldness everywhere she’d been touching, I got up and accepted the delivery. Her mom had paid online, so I didn’t have to worry about tipping or anything.

  Her mom stayed upstairs; apparently the pizza was for us. Bree had got up and gotten out plates, and I watched her take the tiniest slice she could from the box and wander back into the living room.

  I made a vow to myself that night, that I’d stay by her side as long as she would have me, and while I was there, I would do my damnedest to make her believe that she was worth everything in the world.

  And, because she’d made me so sad, I neglected to tell her that I was leaving the next day.

  That just meant I had to stop over again on my way home.

  After I left, I dreamt of her. Which, of course, made it ridiculously hard for me to get up the next morning, realizing I had to leave and go back home, that I would no longer be a short drive away from her.